Dreams

I had a dream about her again. It was different this time. Usually, these dreams are pleasant vignettes of moments past. Flashes of white that pan into an open field and focus under a tree. Panning camera angles down a beach to a pier to see two lovers standing next to each other holding hands, kissing softly, and affirming their affection. Not last night. Last night was different.

There was heat. I began to sweat. There was a rhythm. I began to move. In between the motions I would bite at her collar bone and she would call to me. No soft whispers and sweet nothings. Calling to me like an animal. Then I would feel a flash of pain on my back. Nails dug in and dragging I could feel it burning and the pain surging. It kept me going. It kept my pace and then it made me hungry. Hungry for her skin and her breath. Hungry for the way she arched her back when her buttons were pushed. Hungry for those eyes that look down at me when she felt that it was her turn to have her way. I picked her up. Pinned her against the wall. There was a thud and she smiles at me. “Go” she would mouth and that’s what I would do. Motion by motion, bite by bite, we were tangled in a mess and I loved it. I could feel my muscles aching and my shoulders straining to hold her up. They weren’t tired, she was just difficult to contain. She was an avalanche, she was an eruption, and I tried to hold it all in my arms as I moved to that primal beat we heard in our heads. I’ve never wanted her so much in my life. I’ve never been so alive. Nothing was going through my mind. Absolutely nothing. All I could see was what was in front of me. All I could feel was her body against mine. Her heat radiating to my skin and her sweat mixing with mine as it rolled down her belly. Oh, what clear conviction; what sheer and utter dedication to nothing but the moment.

Then there was nothing. Then there was a cold realization and my feet were out of my blanket. I opened my eyes and sat up to a room different from what I saw. Looked up to an unfamiliar ceiling. I rubbed my eyes and stayed awake. I dreamt about her again tonight, but the sum of these dreams amount to nothing when compared to a few moments in my waking world with her and I looked forward to them again.